Why Some Kids Need Calm—and Others Crave Chaos

Have you ever felt overstimulated by your environment—like everything was just too loud, too bright, or too chaotic? I know I have.

When I work, relax, or even drive, I crave a calm and cozy atmosphere: soft lighting, a peaceful space, and definitely no background noise. I like to think of myself as a "quiet mode" kind of person. Now, my husband? He’s the complete opposite. He turns on all the lights, enjoys the TV playing in the background, and cranks up the music in the car. He thrives in what I consider sensory overload!

Neither of us is “right” or “wrong.” We’re just different—and that’s temperament at work.

🌟 What Is Temperament?

Temperament refers to the innate traits that influence how each of us experiences and reacts to the world. It’s not something we choose—it’s hardwired into us from birth. Some children jump headfirst into new situations, while others hang back and observe. Some are deeply sensitive to sights, sounds, and textures, while others barely blink at a firetruck zooming by.

Pioneering researchers Thomas and Chess identified nine temperament traits—things like activity level, adaptability, intensity of reaction, and sensory sensitivity. These traits form a child’s unique temperament profile. Some children are “easygoing,” others more intense or cautious—but all are perfectly themselves.

✨ Why It Matters in Early Childhood

As educators (and as parents!), understanding temperament helps us shift from seeing a child as "difficult" to seeing them as "different." A child who resists transitions or melts down in loud environments isn’t being defiant—they may just have a slower adaptability trait or high sensory sensitivity.

This is where the concept of “goodness of fit” comes in. Instead of trying to change the child, we can adjust our expectations and environments to better suit who they are. Just like I wouldn’t thrive working in my husband’s ideal environment (and vice versa), some children will only shine when we meet them where they are.

🛠️ Real-Life Application

Let’s say you have a child who bursts into tears during circle time, especially when there’s a lot of singing or clapping. You might assume they’re being dramatic or oppositional. But if we consider temperament, this might be a child with high sensitivity or low tolerance for loud, unpredictable environments. That’s not a “behavior problem”—that’s biology. And with that understanding, we might offer a pair of headphones, a cozy corner, or a quiet transition activity to help them feel safe and included.

Or perhaps you have a child who is constantly on the move, bouncing from one center to another, seemingly unable to sit still. Instead of seeing this as disruptive, we can recognize their high activity level and offer them sensory-rich learning opportunities that match their natural energy.

💡 A Temperament-Informed Mindset

What if we began each day looking at our classroom through a temperament lens? What if instead of labeling a child as “needy,” we saw a child who thrives on connection? What if instead of saying a child is “too much,” we asked ourselves, “What does this child need to feel just right?”

Understanding temperament doesn’t mean we won’t still have challenges—it means we face them with empathy, insight, and a toolbox full of strategies tailored to the whole child.

So whether you’re the “dim-light quiet thinker” like me or the “let’s blast some music and party while we clean the kitchen” type like my husband, remember this: children come to us with beautifully diverse ways of being in the world. Our job isn’t to mold them into sameness—it’s to celebrate, support, and scaffold who they already are.

Want to dive deeper? Join us for our upcoming professional development session on Temperament and the Early Childhood Classroom—a hands-on, heart-centered training that will transform the way you see behavior and connection.